Cynicism Vs Optimism

One of the biggest drawbacks of being a journalist i think is that one turns into a cynic. You come across so much 'reality' and so many times is one slapped on the face by this reality that you tend to become a cynic and start thinking-this is it. Nothing will change. And then some day as part of work, you meet a group of people or individuals who are so hell bent on bringing this change...who still believe that things can change, that you feel heartened, even as a part of you laughs at their blind optimism.

When i decided to take up journalism, i truly believed in the proverb 'pen is mightier than the sword', then i had a wake up call at a J-School, that change happens but at a really slow pace and that journalists of today are not the same as the glorified activist-journalists of yesteryears.

Yet, i was not prepared for the complete lack of conscience among people-politicians, beauracrats, officials, ngo workers, doctors etc...One year into journalism and i had turned into a cynic. Three years ago, i truly believed that change was not impossible...and three years later i felt change was not wanted truly. Through my reports i tried to highlight issues, fight of individuals, good work done by organisation..but deep down there was always this feeling that its not enough..what is the govt doing? how much can a handful of people do? I would come home frustrated at the lack of response to media reports..at the complete fearlessness of the fourth estate and at the rising yellow journalism ..there have been times when i have felt that i was nothing short of a glorified PR person.

But then it is always not so bad. It feels good when someone reacts to your report. When someone takes cognisance and try to bring about change. When readers call up congratulating you for highlighting an issue...but at the end of the day i always ask the same question: Have i really done my bit? And if pen is truly mightier than sword..?

The trip to Kurnool was one of my most frustrating trips as a human being but professionally satisfying. Frustrating at the complete lack of response from the officials, the complete failure of the State machinery and the insensitivity of fellow human beings towards those suffering. One somehow wants to believe that natural disasters and war time tend to erase the barriers such as caste and religion and gender..but it seldom happens. The idealist in me believed that those affected would have risen above these silly yet destructive barriers. But i was taken aback when that was not the case. However, wasn't i supposed to be prepared?? Low caste areas continued be under the slush...those who could afford it (read upper caste) got the slush out of their homes..those who couldn't lived with it. Old town of Kurnool where Hindus and Muslims live in equal number also saw this disparity. I surely did get good reports...but as i began my journey back from Kurnool, i felt despair. Despair at what would happen ten years down the line. What would happen to this society?? What can erase these barriers? Colleagues, friends with whom i would air my frustration and despair ask me to be patient.Be patient change will happen. Be patient it's not easy for one or two individuals to change the world. Be patient, things will fall in place.

And just when i was hitting the rock bottom of the cynic-pit something happens that pulls me out and revives my faith in humanity. I remember the day 3 weeks ago, when my mom woke me up with the news that my servant maid's six-year-old had been diagnosed of blood cancer. I was upset..Ofcourse, it;s not a new thing and hundreds of young children are diagnosed of cancer every year..but when this was closer home and it hit me hard. Swathi, would come home with her mom and like any typical child would catch hold of the numerous soft toys in my home and sit in the rocking chair even as her mom would tell her to get off the chair. It was a typical case...poor family..no father. No money and 2 other daughters to look after. Suvarna, my maid was helpless and she wanted to kill the entire family along with herself. The doctors had told her that the treatment would be around a lakh rupees. I wanted to help..and the help in this case had to be financial or medical. When i sent out an appeal to a group of friends and people, little did i expect a response. Sms, mails status msgs evoked response. When Mr.Thiagarajan and Ashwin said they would do the needful, i wasn't expecting a response of such a large scale. Both of them are two of the most positive individuals i have met in ages and are full of energy that shames a 23 year old like me.

The mail got forwarded to unknown people, got posted in groups and help started pouring in. In less than 2 weeks, i was assured of 40,000 Rs and that's when i felt humanity exists. That was the point when i felt that all was not lost. Here are people whom i had met through my professional capacity as a journalist who came forward to reach out to this unknown person and i was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with the trust people placed in me and with the compassion shown by people from across different countries wanting to help a child in need...

Humanity exists in different forms..what we need is a united front to bring about change....I just hope my optimistic side wins over the cynical side..there may be few things to cheer about but i hope i can continue to cherish those few things....