It feels surreal

I didn't think i would ever write a blogpost for or about Y.S.Rajasekhara Reddy. But then this post is happening. Even as i write this in a dreamlike state sitting in the office, it feels utterly surreal that he is no more.
Did i like him?Was i proud to have him as the Chief Minister of my State? I wasn't. Though, i appreciated the schemes that were introduced for him, like the Arogyasri Scheme for instance or other pro-agricultural,pro-poor policies, there were quite a few things about him that bothered me and many like me. Corruption and scams that occured during his time were regressive. So even as the State claimed to move ahead, it was also being pulled back. Lack of accountability among government officials had increased manifold. But then there are many supporters who ask me "Which politician isn't corrupt?" Another issue to be dealt and written about on another occassion-about how easily we seem to accept corrupt politicians.
However, today when i watch his coffin being lowered down, i feel odd. And am concerned. Concerned about the State as a whole. Concerned as to who will come and fill his shoes. For five years and three months, he was at the helm of affairs. Never once faltering, never once feeling discouraged. He was not to be cowed down by anything-opposition or scams or allegations.
A politician with a sharp tongue, his remarks had created uproars in the Assembly. His smirk and over-confident comments on the Opposition leaders left many seething with anger. He made many enemies, but the enemies were too scared to fight him.

A co-journalist had asked me outside the pilot's home yesterday, if i liked YSR. And i chose not to answer. I disliked him approving endless SEZ (103) and irrational irrigation projects. I disliked him for giving a free hand to the police and for not discouraging corruption; for reducing the accountability in the State.
But, for many he was their messaih. On Thursday, as i walked towards the CM's camp office,right beside my office, i saw the number of people-men, women old and young who came to pay their last respects to their "anna". Women weeping recalling how his numerous schemes helped him, youth recounting how they got employed thanks to his schemes, poor students thanking him for having got an opportunity to study...and so on. As i reached home, my eager watchmen wanted to know where the burial would be and broke down saying that he was a poor man's friend. The watchman recalled how the arogyasri scheme covered the medical expenses when his wife fell ill.
On Friday, as scores of people poured out on the road to pay respects for their leader, i thought i should probably give the devil its due. Here is a Chief Minister who actually implemented what was promised-free power, scholarships, water, health et al.. And the poor man sees this. Not how effective the schemes probably were. Not how much was 'eaten' by greedy politicos. And YSR knew this. He encouraged higher education by setting up IIIT's. It';s a different thing some run in godowns. And a completely different issue that government schools are rotting like the government hospitals and primary health care centres in rural areas. A friend of Muslims and Christians alike, he knew how to keep the minority votes safe. At times, at the cost of majority sentiments.
But then in this country speaking ill about someone who died is blasphemy and the media is careful not to commit this sin.
YSR died a hero. And he will continue to live so. And he will be immortal. Like all those who died in the digital-age will remain.
But yes, it is eerie-The fact that one won't see him in the Assembly or addressing press conferences or teasing the opposition feels weird......